Charles Harmon

Lucky Ducks

O Fortuna, goddess queen of Luna

luck favors the prepared—so Hallelujah!

with Zoom we’re lucky to be connected

this Spring the world feels resurrected!

Sitting ducks, like decoys in a lake

they look so real you’d think that they were fake

but hunters who believe that make a big mistake

she’s a lucky duck to have a handsome badass drake.

When Elmer blasts them with his fuddy dud shotgun

not out for food but out to have some fun

returning fire, the ducks have him on the run

turnabout is fair play, the lucky ducks have won.

Lucky ducks floating through the tunnel of love

drifting down a river like angels from above

these ducks fight back when pushes come to shoves

ducks make their own luck, like eagles not as doves.

This is no cake walk but they take the prize

awarded to the best swimmers a couple of pies

they’re lucky ducks, you can see it in their eyes

seeing right through the hunters’ dumb alibis…

Lucky ducks make their own luck, don’t take it lying down

even out on the water they stand their ground

take the fight to the enemy, bomb the hunters’ own town

they’ll kick the hunters’ asses and never back down.

I was born at the crossroads under a bad sign

guess it’s bad luck or was it God’s design?

I’ve made a few mistakes, but I refuse to resign

if you can’t stand the pain there’s happy hour time…

I only got shot because I forgot to cover and duck

end of the road, hope we’re not all out of luck

take to the water, take to the earth and sky

a lucky duck refuses to lay down and die.

Lucky Duck Tape

 

I always thought it was “duct tape,” at least when I was a kid

and I used to repair heating and air conditioning ducts

or whatever, it was endlessly versatile, anything could be fixed

or at least held together with this magical tool.

Dad heard and corrected me, it was “Duck Tape,”

used a lot during WW2 to fix nearly anything that broke

and it was waterproof, so water ran off like off a duck’s back.

 

When I was a kid on a camping trip, we entertained ourselves

by making homemade shoes from enormous rolls of the stuff

sandals, boots, moccasins, and naming them for Biblical figures:

“Jesus Jumpers, Moses Movers, Samson Sandals, Biblical Boots.”

But the tape also worked great to repair broken boots on hikes,

broken back packs, ripped clothes and tents, a mean kid even

taped the outhouse door shut when someone was in there

but luckily the trapped kid cut his way out with a pocketknife.

Another kid made a duct tape hat to keep off the sun, but

he forgot to back it with foil and stuck it directly onto his head.

Wonder how anyone could be that dumb?

I do not recommend this technique for hair removal, however…

 

Even in outer space or on the moon astronauts take the tape

along on a rocket ride to repair the Lunar Excursion Module

or the lunar buggy or even a hole in a space suit.

No jokes about a fart in a space suit, but that does bring to mind

a possible solution to avoid breathing the poisonous gas…

 

My kids got into making duck tape wallets when they were in

junior high trying to earn money to help pay for the field trip

to Washington D.C. which was rather expensive but fun.

They had a lot of wallets in various colors and sizes going

for only five bucks apiece, but they only sold one or two.

They made great Christmas and birthday gifts—I still have mine

although with no money in it after paying for the trips.

 

Then there’s Halloween costumes. Duct tape and cardboard robots,

mummies, monsters, silvery aliens, a walking talking chessboard…

 

Cardboard and Duck tape boats made by my physics students

to study density and buoyancy and have fun in the school pool!

 

Some things you should never use duck tape for:

underwear, socks, gloves, prophylactics, eyebrow enhancers…

 

Semper Paratus, be prepared, luck favors the prepared

you make your own luck, be a lucky duck!

Keep a roll in your car in an emergency bag just in case

your pants rip or a heel comes off your shoe or you break a leg.

After an earthquake during a rainstorm when traffic is blocked

waterproof your “Freeway Flip Flops to walk home in the mud.

In Duck Tape we trust, even if everything goes bust!